I Should Be In Bed Right Now

I went to bed at 10 a couple times this week and it felt amazing. Once upon a time, I was a night owl. Now I’m a night owl forced into being a morning bird.

But despite the fact that I should be turning the light off in my room at this exact moment, and ignoring the fact that I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet or written my one positive thought for the day in my journal, I just wanted to get on to say that life is good. Life is really good. I’d dare say great! Like I’ve said before, and will always say, there are going to be bad things that happen. There will be sadness and pain, but I’m so grateful for most of what’s happening to me.

At work I felt quiet and almost a bit sad. I couldn’t figure out why, and I still can’t say what was going on. I think I’m tired (and I’ve come down with another cold, curses). But I’m not feeling that way now.

I made a declaration before dinner tonight when I was looking up my sales in 2018 forĀ Out of Orbit. Apparently 70 copies (most free eBooks) were purchased. And that’s great! But as I sat there, the battle over whether my next endeavor should be to self-publish another novel or try my hand at traditionally publishing was won. I want to see if I can be published by someone else.

In no way is this me saying self-publishing sucks. No, no, not at all! But I tried it, and now I want to see where the other path leads.

There is one small (ha, actually it’s quite massive) mountain to climb.

I need to believe I’m a good enough writer that I can get published.

Again, this isn’t a knock on self-publishing, but honestly the reason I went that route was I wanted to be an author with a book so bad but didn’t know that anyone would actually read it and love it. So I decided I was good enough for me and did the book for myself. And it was great! I’d change it now, but back then, I was excited and proud!

But Ashton now is different than the Ashton then. And maybe Ashton then needed that success, but now I want something else.

While it’s great I’ve made this decision (for now… We’ll see what damage self-doubt does later), I still need a book finished. I can’t make too many plans when I haven’t anything to work with yet.

NOW I’ll head to bed.


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